in absentia

June 30, 2019
It’s been a whirlwind few months since I’ve last posted. (Seriously, how is it already basically July?) One of my goals this year was to be more deliberate and consistent with posting, but everything in life seems to happen either slowly or all at once. In my absence here, I’ve been finding out more and more about what keeps me grounded when it feels like I’m floating away and there’s nothing to hold on to. I’ve been thinking about how I want to blog more, but have nothing to write about because I haven’t done anything. I thought about how I’ve been focusing on my own well-being, and then a voice said, “write about it.” 

journaling | writing | planning
Since my days of collecting journals because they were pretty or simply out of the excitement and possibility that comes from of having an empty notebook— to learning about morning pages a couple years ago— I’ve always had at least one empty notebook on hand. I tried morning pages for a few weeks, but I felt that writing first thing in the morning wasn’t always possible or practical. I transitioned to evenings, or sometimes writing multiple times per day if the mood struck. Like water, something as simple as writing is immensely cathartic and has helped me through so much. Where I otherwise would have begun to crack and crumble, sitting down and scribbling out whatever was on my mind gives me an immediate outlet. Getting that initial surge of feeling out slowly gives way to the insight and understanding I would otherwise be lacking had I let myself be carried away by the emotion and stress of the moment. I use a regular composition notebook for moments like these, keeping in mind that my writing in it is more for necessity and less for pleasure. In addition to this notebook, I have a journal that I use for more casual/pleasure-writing. In the same way that I’ll decorate my planner, I love sitting at my desk at the end of the night and spending some time decorating my journal pages and my planner. I’ll also go over my goals and to-do lists. I’ve found that getting creative with paper crafts and #plannergirl stuff is a muuuuch better way to end the night than staring at screens all day until I fall asleep. Throw in some hot tea and music and my night is made.

go outside
This is the one I struggle with most because when I feel myself falling into a deep, dark pit of despair (that’s not dramatic, right?), the only thing I wanna do is crawl deeper into my cave. I do myself no favors as I continue bingeing tv shows or youtube videos while the day wastes away. And while I definitely enjoy relaxing in front of the tv, moments like these are different. Something as small as going to check the mail is enough to get me out of the toxic bubble that I’ve been inhabiting that day. If I can help it, taking a few laps around our apartment complex is enough to shake the bad aura. Once that happens, pulling myself out of that pit isn’t so daunting. 

This may not be the exact location of my mailbox, but the effect is the same.

If you follow me on Instagram, then you might know that I’ve been working out pretty consistently for the last few months. The results are surely coming in, and while those are exciting, so was the realization that since I’ve begun exercising on a regular basis, the “bad” days have been few and very far between. Kinda going hand in hand with getting outside, getting myself out of the apartment for a good workout not only gets me out of the bubble I confine myself to, but gives me the opportunity to let my mind wander, focus on myself, focus on music, and it gives me the chance to really admire what my body is capable of. Outside of the gym, I’m a generally happier, more confident, and secure person. I don’t take or do anything extra. I just get out there and let my body move like it was made to. 
creativity | photos
I’ve been taking photos for as long as I can remember. As a kid, I’d bother my parents to buy me as many rolls of film as they could. I’d beg them to take me to get my photos developed, and I’d take my mom’s polaroid that she used for work and use up all of her cartridges. The introduction of digital cameras didn’t take away the love I had for shooting the world around me. I could take that little electronic box with me into the woods and get lost for hours just the same. This is still true today. I have a fairly large collection of 35mm cameras that I still use, as well as my DSLR. Set me free anywhere with a camera and I’ll take it from there. I’ll look at the world through the viewfinder instead of through my own eyes, my anxieties dropping away with every photo I take. This has always been my happy place, and it still is today. Unleashing my own creativity does wonders for me. 

reaching out | talking to someone
I’ve always been someone who’s embarrassed to reach out to when I just need to talk. I tell myself that I’m being a burden and instead let my worries burn a hole inside me. Something has to be really hurting to get me to reach out to someone. Because of this, I know I’ve come off as somebody who only reaches out when they need help, and I sincerely apologize. I’ve made some pretty great friends in the last year, and while I have texted them the ‘ol “hey are you busy?,” I’ve also learned that people don’t hate me like I think they do (LOL). I’m not afraid to text my friends with general inquiries, memes, reddit links, or otherwise general being-a-friend stuff. Maybe it’s the fake friends and toxic company I’ve had in the past that had me believing that I wasn’t worthy of friendship, but coaxing myself to open up to the people I call friends today has been one of the most important moves I’ve made. 
settle in
Sometimes the problem isn’t confining yourself. Sometimes it’s the world outside your door that you need a break from. Because I tend to gravitate outdoors and be more active than inactive, the exact opposite of getting out is sometimes necessary. I like to pretend that every day is a day in November. I thrive in overcast, chilly weather. Musky scents and candlelight. This is my ideal world. I close the blinds, grab a blanket, light some incense and candles, and put on one of my favorite movies. For me: Smart People, Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, Daydream Nation, and Stuck in Love are my go-to. Most importantly: I remind myself that it’s ok to relax. The world will be waiting for you when you’re ready.
critters & candles: what more could a person need?

I found this on Pinterest and it spoke directly to me <3 

Because all of my friends and the people I interact with the most are in Texas, I’m left to my own devices irl. This makes dealing with stress and all the negative stuff a bit trickier than when I was able to hang out and unwind with my people. If any of you guys are reading this, know how much I appreciate and love all of you. 
Do you guys have a routine or habit you swear by in these moments? Let me know! ❤️